He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Panties = found
Randomize
