The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
