Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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