I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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