You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
