Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
