How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
