anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
