I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
