I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
