some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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