hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
