Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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