Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
