Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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