is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
