Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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