I'm gonna have a badass scar
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
