do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
