I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize