I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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