all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
porn star boner night. come get it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
