and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize