she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
