He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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