i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
