I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
how do you play pong handcuffed?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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