Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Randomize
