as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
