My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
