I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
We got so high we made milksteak
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
