Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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