we have officially lost it.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
