I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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