By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
