hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
