I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
