i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
