my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
