Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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