Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
