it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
