Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
