I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
