I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
