i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
