is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
