So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize