I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
