Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
