I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
