Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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