i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
