Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
