what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
