Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
