that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
