My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
