I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
