Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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