I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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