I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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