I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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