Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Randomize
