woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
