Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
