no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I showed him my bush... on skype.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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