just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize