would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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