I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
