I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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