so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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