My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
