The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
