My room smells like vodka and shame
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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