If i could tip my vagina, i would.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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