I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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