I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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