Im at strip club and am horny
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
