Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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