I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
