i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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