Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
