We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
