i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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