This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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