fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
