remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
