He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
