I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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