Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You smell like stripper and shame
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize