I cockslap morals
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
