she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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