I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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