I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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