I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
