hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
