Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
