We're like a lot better than the average bears
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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