Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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