Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
