Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
