bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
